5 Mindset Traps That Stop Us Living Our Best Life

Napoleon Hill called these causes of failure, I call them fuel...

I refuse to live anything less than an extraordinary life.

What’s your number one fear in life?

Most people say public speaking. Or death. Or clowns (which, thanks to Stephen King, are now the last thing you want to see in a darkened bedroom.)

But my biggest fear is dying with my music still in me.

It’s the thought that I’ll run out of time before I’ve done the things I know I’m here to do. Before I’ve said what I really want to say, built the work I care about, and lived fully, boldly and without compromise.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been very clear on one thing;

I refuse to live anything less than an extraordinary life.

For me, that means travel, waking up in different places, meeting people whose stories shift my worldview, and learning just as much from a tuk tuk driver in Sri Lanka as I can from a bestselling book.

It means chasing freedom not comfort, and finding ways to generate an income that supports my lifestyle, not the other way around.

What does extraordinary look like for you? Are you living it?

In his book Think and Grow Rich (which I don't wholly approve of or subscribe to as a modern day woman - but that's another blog post), Napoleon Hill lists 30 causes of failure.

The list was written almost a century ago, and while I personally don’t believe in the word ‘failure’, some of his observations feel uncomfortably familiar, particularly if the life you're living isn't quite what you imagined.

Here are five from his list that I believe we have the most control over, and can start working on from today…

1. Lack of a Well-Defined Purpose

In Hills words 'There is no chance of success for the person who does not have a central purpose, or definite goal, at which to aim.'

Think of any goal you want to pursue, whether it's baking a lemon cake or losing 50 pounds. If you don't have a vision of what the end looks like you have no way of knowing how to get there.

As Richard Branson says 'start with the end in mind'.

But knowing what we want and what that end looks like, especially in big life choices isn't always easy.

For some people, it’s obvious from the start. My daughter practically popped out of the womb singing. She’s never questioned it. Whether she ends up performing on stages or working behind the scenes, her dream fuels her whole being. And I’ve done everything I can to nurture that spark, because I believe that so many of our dreams were clipped at childhood.

When I was younger, I wanted to be Steven Spielberg. I saw stories in everything, wrote and directed plays in my back garden, and daydreamed about making films.

But like so many of us in our generation, I was gently (and not so gently) steered toward something more “realistic.” My dad wanted me to be an accountant. Never mind I was terrible at maths, he wanted me to pursue something stable, sensible and respectable. (Boy did that not quite go as planned! 😂)

And that’s how it happens. You trade the dream for the job, the art for the admin, and after a while, you forget what you wanted in the first place.

Maybe that moment has passed now. Maybe you're not chasing the childhood dream anymore.

But the curiosity, creativity, and pull toward something that felt exciting is still in you. The energy behind your dreams hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s just been buried under years of responsibility, practicality, and other people’s expectations.

But I have phenomenal news for you!

The world we live in today makes it more possible than ever to revive it.

• You can write a book and self-publish it.

• Record a song from your living room and put it on Spotify.

• Start a podcast around your favourite hobby,

• Launch a mini shop,

• Direct your own AI film (trust me, I’ve looked into it),

• Or share your story with the world in whatever format feels right.

So what did you want when you were a kid? What did you daydream about at the back of class?

Maybe it wasn’t realistic back then. But what if it’s realistic now?

Give yourself permission to start following your curiosity. Dream with wild abandon for an hour and write it all down. Then start researching. Ask what it might look like to bring one small piece of that dream into your life today.

That clarity and spark is your purpose. And it’s never too late to build something around it.

2. Procrastination

Hill described this as waiting for the ‘time to be right’ before doing anything worthwhile.

And let's be honest, we’ve all been there.

“I’ll just wait until I’ve got more money. More time. More confidence. Until the kids leave home. Until I finish that course. Until the chaos dies down and the stars align.”

But the trouble is, the right time rarely shows up. Life doesn’t suddenly pause and hand you a perfect window to go after the thing you’ve been putting off.

So we wait. And wait.

And before we know it, a lifetime has passed and the dream’s still sitting on the shelf.

Procrastination doesn’t always look like scrolling TikTok or reorganising your spice rack instead of writing your book. Sometimes it's endless “research,” or tweaking your website for the fiftieth time, or thinking you need one more qualification before you can start offering your service.

When I first started online, I didn’t know what I was doing. I had no grand plan, financial cushion, or any idea how to build an online business.

But I jumped in anyway. I fumbled my way through, made mistakes, embarrassed myself a few times… (still do) and got better. I didn't know everything then, I don't know everything now, and I never will, but action creates clarity!

Thinking keeps you stuck in your head, where every idea feels too big and every fear sounds louder, but moving, even when you're not sure what route to take gives you feedback, momentum and direction.

So stop waiting.

You don't have to base jump off the tallest building, just pick one small action to move you forward today.

Start your Substack, buy the domain, send the email, sign up for the thing you keep looking at.

You can figure it out as you go I promise you. But only if you start.

3. Lack of Persistence

“Most of us are good ‘starters’ but poor ‘finishers’ of everything we begin.” — Napoleon Hill

So this one completely resonates! 😕

We all love new beginnings. New Years Resolutions, new plans, new Mondays.

(I can hear you nodding! 😉)

In the beginning, our energy is high, motivation flows, and everything feels possible. But then life happens. Things get hard, boring, and inconvenient. Results don’t show up as quickly as we hoped. And the thing that once excited us gets filed into the ‘too hard’ pile, while our attention gets diverted by something that looks easier or faster.

And I'm 100% with you. I’ve launched more projects than I care to count. Some flew, some flopped, some fizzled out when something shinier caught my eye.

The hardest part isn’t starting, like so many believe. It’s sticking with it when the novelty wears off and the work begins.

But life rewards consistency over intensity. So although starting strong is nice, it's showing up again and again, even when no one's watching, that builds momentum.

This doesn’t mean you never pivot. But you have to give something enough time and attention to know if it’s actually working. Not just emotionally, but practically. Otherwise, you’re always in a loop of exciting beginnings and disappointing non-endings.

If you find yourself constantly jumping to the next idea, ask yourself: have I given this one a fair go? Have I shown up for it long enough, and consistently enough to see what it could become?

It's rare that someone doesn't achieve their goals because they picked the wrong idea. It's usually because they stop just before it's about to get good.

So choose your thing. Set a window, whether it's 90 days, 6 months, a year. Whatever feels meaningful. Then commit.

Persistence doesn't need to be all grit and grind. Instead, stay focused on your goal, learn to enjoy the process and remember why you started.

4. Over-Caution

“The person who takes no chances generally has to take whatever is left when others have finished choosing.” — Napoleon Hill

I’ve never been a particularly cautious person. I have a high tolerance for risk (sometimes ridiculously so - bull shark diving, anyone?). Somewhere deep in my gut, I genuinely believe things will always work out.

Naive? Maybe. But that belief has taken me around the world, helped me build six- and seven-figure businesses, and given me experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything.

It’s also led to some messes.

Feast-or-famine bank balances. Business pivots I had no clue how to handle. A fair few “What on earth was I thinking?” moments.

But still, I wouldn’t change it. The upside of risk, for me, has always outweighed the safety of staying put.

That said, I’m not fearless. Not even close. I worry about all sorts of things like rejection, judgment, personal safety, my daughter’s safety. I can spiral with the best of them. But the difference is, I move anyway.

I act with the fear, not after it’s gone.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” is a mantra I hold myself to.

And every single time I’ve stepped beyond it, I’ve grown. Not just in confidence or skills, but in perspective. I’ve seen new options, met new people, and felt more alive. The world expands when you move.

As Marianne Williamson wrote:

“Your playing small does not serve the world.”

And I believe that with everything in me.

No one benefits when you shrink. Not your family, not your friends, not your audience, and certainly not your future self.

You don’t have to be reckless, but you do have to be willing to move before you feel fully ready.

So if you’ve been holding back, waiting for your fear to subside, or trying to plan away all the risk, know this: nothing quiets fear like action. Nothing builds courage like movement.

The next version of your life is waiting just outside your comfort zone. Go meet it.

5. Lack of Concentration of Effort

“The ‘jack-of-all-trades’ is seldom good at any. Therefore concentrate your effort at one definite aim.” — Napoleon Hill

If you're anything like me, you don't want to hear this and want me to tell you this quote is wrong and actually being multi passionate and playing with lots of different things is the way to go. 🤞

But unfortunately that's not the case.

The people who get ahead, and build real traction in their business or lifestyle, are the ones who pick a direction and stick with it. They’re not always the smartest or the most experienced. But they stay the path, keep showing up, and keep improving until it works.

I can’t say the same for myself. At least, not always.

I’ve spent years jumping between projects. Tinkering, testing, switching gears. I’ve followed too many bright shiny objects, swapped strategies mid-launch, and doubted my direction more times than I care to admit. Some of it was genuine experimentation. Some of it was fear in disguise.

Because often, indecision looks like perfectionism. Or research. Or building another plan instead of working the one you already have.

But it comes from a fear of getting it wrong, from thinking there’s a better option just around the corner, or from craving the excitement of something new when things get hard.

And I get it. Focus is hard. Especially when you’ve got multiple interests, a creative brain, and years of online promises telling you there’s always a quicker, easier way.

But there comes a point when you have to stop changing direction and decide to build something properly. That’s the only way to it's going to truly work.

It doesn’t have to be the perfect idea. Most things evolve over time anyway. But you do need to give one path your full energy. Long enough to learn from it, to get traction and to let it evolve.

So pick a lane. Any lane.

And give yourself a fair shot at making it work.

Success usually doesn’t come from finding the perfect starting point, it comes from backing yourself and staying focused long enough to see where it leads.

The Choice Is Yours

Hill’s 30 causes of failure are nearly a century old, but many of them still hold up. They aren’t meant to shame or overwhelm. They’re simply taps on our shoulder reminding us of where we might be letting ourselves drift.

The five we’ve explored here are the ones I see most often in the work I do, the people I speak to, and in my own patterns too.

• Lack of purpose.

• Procrastination.

• Starting strong, then stalling out.

• Holding back out of fear.

• Scattering our energy in too many directions.

They all have one thing in common. They keep us stuck in thinking, rather than moving.

But every single one of them can be flipped.

• You can create a clear vision.

• You can act before you're ready.

• You can stick with something long enough to see results.

• You can take a risk.

• You can choose a direction and go all in.

And you can do all of it right now, no perfect plan required. Because you my friend are the master of your own destiny.

So don’t die with your music still in you.

Say what you came here to say. Build what you came here to build.

And live the kind of life that lights you up, while you still have the chance.