I wonder how many adventures have never happened because someone didn’t have anybody to go with.
How many holidays have been postponed because a partner wasn’t interested, how many courses have never been booked because a friend couldn’t make it, or how many opportunities have been abandoned because the thought of turning up alone felt too uncomfortable?
It’s surprisingly easy to let someone else’s lack of enthusiasm become the deciding factor in what we do with our own lives.
And after 50, when we’ve potentially spent decades considering partners, children, family responsibilities and everybody else’s schedules, it can feel strange to suddenly start making plans that revolve entirely around ourselves.
Especially when those plans involve doing something big on our own.
But I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much of our freedom we unknowingly hand over to other people, simply because we’ve convinced ourselves that certain experiences are better shared.
And while I love sharing adventures with my husband, I’m increasingly convinced that some of the best experiences of our lives might be waiting on the other side of deciding to go anyway.
Which, is rather fortunate, because on Monday I’m flying to Thailand on my own for the next 8 weeks. 🇹🇭
You can share a life without sharing every adventure
My husband and I have been travelling the world together for the best part of 16 years.
We’ve lived in different countries, built businesses, had some incredible adventures and spent considerably more time together than most married couples probably consider healthy. 😂
But right now, we have two very different jobs to do.
He’s staying in England to sort out our investment properties and get them ready to sell, while I’m heading to Chiang Mai to work on growing This Big World, my travel product business.
I won’t bore you with the full story of our property investments, except to say that I appear to have discovered the only corner of the United Kingdom where house prices haven’t increased in 20 years.
I’ve also managed to invest in a collection of houses with some not so great quirky features, including a collapsing outhouse, a small property with 4 bathrooms that’s a hassle not a feature, and a loft conversion that’s caused enough damp problems to finance a small tropical island.
I’ve never had an eye for art, antiques or, as it turns out, decent investment opportunities. 😂
Thankfully, property is my husband’s jam, so he’s dealing with all of that while I focus on rocking Q4!
I could stay in England, of course, but with Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Christmas approaching, I want to be somewhere I can really concentrate on growing sales, learning more about e-commerce and surrounding myself with people doing the same thing.
London would be brilliant for that, except that living there for 8 weeks would probably require another mortgage on one of the houses we’re trying to sell.
Chiang Mai, on the other hand, is warm, affordable, packed with entrepreneurs and happens to serve the best Khao Soi on the planet!
There’s also the small matter of a $12 full-body massage whenever I fancy one. 🤭
Not really a difficult decision.
And I love that after all these years together, we can both get on with what needs doing, support each other from wherever we are, and then meet up again when the time is right.
Being part of a couple doesn’t mean every experience has to be a joint venture.
Sometimes one person wants to climb a mountain while the other would rather sit at the bottom with a good book.
And that’s absolutely fine.
Being brave doesn’t mean you won’t feel uncomfortable
But, before you start imagining me skipping off to Thailand like some fearless solo adventurer, there are a few things making me feel decidedly wobbly.
For starters, I want to get out and meet people.
One of the biggest advantages of Chiang Mai is its entrepreneurial community, and I know from years of building businesses online that surrounding yourself with people who are doing what you’re trying to do is one of the fastest ways to learn, find opportunities and stay motivated.
But walking into a networking event full of 25-30 year old male digital nomads as a 54 year old woman is a pretty intimidating prospect.
But I’m going anyway.
Because if I wait until I feel completely confident walking into unfamiliar situations, I suspect I’ll be waiting a very long time.
And it does make me wonder how many of us do that.
Wait until we’re fitter, thinner, younger (not gonna happen), more confident, better prepared, or until someone else agrees to come along and make the whole thing feel less daunting.
Meanwhile, the years keep ticking by.
And you might discover you absolutely love it
A few weeks ago, when we were travelling through Virginia, I had the chance to visit Busch Gardens in Williamsburg.
I absolutely love roller coasters. Rhett doesn’t.
And as we were only there for a short time, I had one opportunity to go, so I went. On my own.
And I had a brilliant day!
I went on all the rides I fancied, as many times as I wanted. I stopped for popcorn when I felt like it, bought myself a beer, wandered around at my own pace and didn’t have to think about whether somebody else was bored, tired, hungry or waiting for me to finish having fun.
Not that Rhett would ever stop me doing any of those things, of course, but when you’re with someone, you naturally consider what they want to do too.
When you’re on your own, you don’t have to.
At one point, I even acquired a little 7 year old rollercoaster companion whose dad asked if she could ride with me because she was desperate to go again. So we happily screamed our way around a couple of rides together.
But for most of the day, it was just me.
And I loved it.
There was something super liberating about spending an entire day doing exactly what I wanted, whenever I wanted, without having to accommodate anybody else’s preferences or timetable.
Which made me realise that we spend so much time worrying about whether we’ll enjoy doing things alone that we don’t consider the possibility that we might enjoy them even more.
There’s a fantastic freedom in being answerable to nobody but yourself for a few hours.
And perhaps that’s something we should all experience a bit more often, whether we’re married, single, travelling the world or simply heading out for an afternoon.
You might be surprised how much you enjoy your own company.
You don’t have to do everything alone just because you’re going alone
Last year I travelled to Morocco without my husband.
I’d already spent some time in Rome by myself, but Rome was familiar territory. Morocco was somewhere completely new, with a culture I hadn’t experienced before and plenty of conflicting reports from solo female travellers.
I was nervous.
So rather than expecting myself to suddenly become a fearless independent traveller, I made the whole experience easier.
A good friend who lives near Gibraltar sailed across to Tangier with me and spent the first couple of days there.
I’d connected with some people through Facebook before arriving, so there were already some friendly faces waiting.
And when I was ready to explore further, I caught a train to Marrakesh and joined a 10 day tour with eight other travellers and a guide.
9 strangers in a van travelling around Morocco, which turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. (I mean that!)
I made wonderful friends, saw amazing places and came home with memories I’d never have had if I’d decided that travelling without my husband was too daunting.
I wrote about the whole adventure here.
Morocco. The Most Terrifying Place on Earth?
Before I even stepped foot in Morocco, I’d already decided it might be the most terrifying place on earth.
The funny thing is, when we talk about doing things independently, we often imagine having to do everything by ourselves.
Eating alone, exploring alone, figuring everything out alone, and somehow becoming this incredibly confident person who never feels awkward or out of place.
But that’s not how it has to work.
You can book a trip independently and join a tour when you arrive.
You can start a business by yourself and find a community of people who are building similar things.
You can walk into an event not knowing anybody and leave with three new friends.
And you can be happily married, love travelling with your partner, and still have adventures that belong entirely to you.
In Chiang Mai, I’ve already got a friend who’s offered to introduce me to people, and I’m finally going to meet Caroline and Davina from Retire to Thailand, two lovely ladies I’ve known online for years.
So while I’m flying out alone, I certainly won’t be spending the next 8 weeks in isolation.
Unless I get completely distracted by the Khao Soi and massages, which is a distinct possibility.
Stop waiting for someone else to be ready
I think one of the most liberating things we can do after 50 is start questioning the little rules we’ve unconsciously created for ourselves.
The idea that holidays are something you take with your partner, that you need a friend to accompany you to a class, or that certain adventures are only worth having if you’ve got someone beside you to share them with.
Of course, sharing experiences with people we love is wonderful, and I wouldn’t swap the adventures I’ve had (or am going to have) with my husband for anything.
But there are going to be times when the people in our lives don’t want the same things we do.
They might have different interests, priorities, responsibilities, or simply no desire to visit the place we’ve been dreaming about for years.
And if we make their participation a condition of our own happiness, we could end up missing out on an awful lot.
So perhaps there’s something you’ve been wanting to do for ages.
A destination you’ve always dreamed of visiting, a business idea you’d love to explore, a class you’d like to join, or an event you’ve been meaning to attend.
Perhaps the only reason you haven’t done it is because you’ve got nobody to go with.
You don’t have to start by booking a solo trip halfway around the world.
Find a local group, sign up for a class, connect with a few people online, book a weekend away, or take yourself somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit.
Make it easy on yourself. Stack the odds in your favour. Find people along the way.
And if you’re nervous, that’s okay too. I’m nervous about plenty of things, despite having spent most of the last 16 years travelling the world.
But I’ve also learned that some of my favourite memories have come from doing things I was initially frightened of.
And perhaps the biggest surprise of all is that once you start doing things on your own, you might discover a whole new kind of freedom.
The freedom to change your mind, follow your curiosity, take a detour, spend three hours in a museum, or ride the same roller coaster five times without worrying about anybody else. (I’m looking at you Pantheon! 🎢)
You might meet wonderful people along the way, or you might spend a glorious day entirely in your own company.
Either way, you’ll have given yourself an experience you might otherwise have missed.
Don’t let the absence of someone to go with become the reason you never go.
We’ve still got so much life to live, so many places to explore and so many experiences waiting for us.
And sometimes, the only person who needs to say yes is you.
If you’re in Chiang Mai over the next couple of months, hit reply. I’d love a Khao Soi buddy. 🍜
Jo x