Yesterday was my 54th birthday! 🥳
54. 😳 Not entirely sure how that happened. I remember thinking my Mum & Dad were old when they were in their 40s and here I am hurtling towards a free bus pass.
I digress, but recently I was walking through a neighbourhood somewhere, and I saw an assisted living development for people 55 & older!
55!
It might be harder to get up than it is to get down these days, but mentally I still feel like I did in my 20s (with maybe a little more wisdom and emotional intelligence. Maybe…. 😉)
But at the same time I was celebrating starting another year on this planet, I sadly found out that an old friend, who I haven’t spoken to for some 20 years, had passed away from cancer just a couple of weeks ago.
It’s one of the sad realities of getting older, that more people around us start to make their heavenly beds. Parents, family, friends.
And each time, mixed with the sorrow of losing a loved one, it’s a reminder of just how fragile life really is.
We can let that terrify us, or we can use it as a kick up the backside to stop waiting, stop putting things off, and live our best life while we’re here.
In honour of those no longer with us, I’m choosing the latter.
So rather than the usual birthday article of “x things I’ve learned in x years on the planet”, here instead are 20 rules I want to live by for the next 30 or so years, however many I’m lucky to get.
20 Rules for the Next 30 Years
1. Stop treating your health as tomorrow’s problem
This is an absolute note to self because I am a horror for not doing the exercise I know I need to do. It’s on my mind pretty much every day, but I still manage to find every reason under the sun not to do it.
I know that I work better with personal trainers, classes and people keeping me accountable, so I need to find the way that works for me rather than continually trying to force myself into routines I never stick to.
We may not have much control over how many years we have left on this planet, but by God we can do everything we can to stay strong, energetic and mobile for as many of them as possible. I want to travel, hike, climb things, explore cities, lug a backpack, and keep having adventures. All of that requires me to look after the body carrying me around.
Whatever your version of that looks like, find it. Our future independence depends on it.
2. Invest in your relationships
I’m starting something I’m calling Friend Friday.
My friends are scattered all over the world and, particularly when I’m travelling, weeks and months can disappear in the blink of an eye. So I’m making a list of all my close friends, and every Friday I’m going to work my way through it, sending a voice note, video message or just checking in with a couple of them. The following Friday I’ll do the next few, and eventually I’ll circle back round.
Relationships don’t maintain themselves. Friendships need attention, love, and effort, and too often, they get pushed to the back of the priority pile, and we wonder why we’re suddenly alone.
It’s too easy to put the responsibility on others, but we’re all busy and absorbed in our own lives.
Instead of waiting, be the friend you want to have.
3. Build things that make you feel alive
Businesses, books, projects, gardens, communities, adventures. Whatever makes you excited to get out of bed and start creating something.
One of my biggest goals in life is to become a prolific published author, and yet somehow my books are always the first thing to get pushed aside when a money-making project comes along.
So this year I’ve decided to commit to just 500 words every morning for my books.
I started writing every day last year, mostly journalling and random thoughts, but now I’m going to channel that habit into a goal I’ve had for years.
Nothing becomes a priority in our life until we make it so. At some point we have to stop saying we want to do the thing and start doing the thing.
4. Stop saving your best stuff for later
Wear the dress. Open the expensive bottle of wine. Book the trip. Use the good china. Start the project.
We have this funny habit of saving our favourite things for some future occasion worthy of them, as though ordinary Wednesday afternoon Jo isn’t quite deserving enough.
Life is happening right now.
Use the good stuff.
5. Spend money on experiences you’ll remember
I’m not very good at it, but I do believe in saving, investing and building financial security, particularly as we get older. But money is also there to help us live.
I’m far more interested in buying memories than accumulating things.
As demonstrated by my entire worldly goods which consist of precisely:
1 x 9.5kg backpack
1 x box of memories in my sisters loft
1 x bag of winter clothes under my daughters bed in London
When I cleared out my Mum’s house she wanted me to get rid of it ALL. Everything she had, including pictures, mementos, ornaments, stuff they’d collected over years. None of it was important.
All she wanted was time with me & my sister. Time, conversations, love, moments.
We will forget most of the stuff we buy over the years.
But for sure I’ll remember flying past Everest, seeing pink dolphins in the Amazon, running up the Rocky Steps, watching the sun rise from a rooftop in Cartegena, and all the thousands of little moments in between.
Be sensible with your money, absolutely. But let as much of it as you can buy you a great life.
6. Leave things that no longer work for you
Some things just don’t fit anymore.
A dream you had at 25 might not be the dream you want at 55. A project you once loved might exhaust you now. A relationship, place, career or lifestyle might simply have run its course.
Staying because of history, guilt or fear isn’t going to magically make something right for you again.
And yes, changing direction will sometimes mean making a really difficult decision.
But times getting shorter. We can’t spend the years we have left honouring decisions made by an entirely different version of ourselves.
7. Live now
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” - Grand Master Oogway - Kung Fu Panda
I love that line!
Cheesy? Perhaps. True? Absolutely.
Whenever I’m analysing my past or worrying about my future, I’m rarely as happy as I am when I’m just appreciating where I am right now.
And it doesn’t have to be some huge, Instagrammable moment. It can be a hot cup of tea, the sun coming through the window, a tree blowing in the breeze, a laugh with someone you love or simply recognising that in this particular moment, everything is okay.
Stop reading for just a moment. Look up. Take in your surroundings and find something to appreciate.
Because this is life. This minute. Right now.
Live it.
8. Stay curious
Ask questions. Explore. Investigate. Read. Listen. Learn things you know absolutely nothing about.
One of the things I love most about travelling is constantly being reminded how little I know. There’s always another culture, another history, another idea, another way of living that I haven’t encountered yet.
I want to keep that curiosity for as long as I possibly can. It keeps my brain sharp, my synapses firing and my mind broadening.
Keep learning. Keep asking questions. Keep your brain working.
9. Travel
I’m clearly biased on this one. 😂
But I seriously believe travel keeps us young. It gives us new things to think about, new people to meet, new foods to try, new places to navigate and many times new grocery shelves to stare at in complete confusion.
You don’t need to sell everything and become a nomad. Go away for weekends. Visit somewhere you’ve never been. Take the train to another city. Book an adventurous trip. Get out of the environment you see every day and remind yourself how enormous this world is.
There is so much of it to see. ❤️
10. Create more than you consume
While I like to think I’m a bit of a futurist, there’s no denying the technological world we live in today has brought an awful lot of cons along with it’s pros.
Within 20 minutes of waking up we can have compared our beginning with others middle and ends, developed existential dread about the future of AI, read three terrifying news stories and watched a video of something awful happening on the other side of the world.
All before we’ve had a cup of tea.
If we’re not extremely careful about what we allow into our minds, we can start the day carrying others lives, opinions, successes, disasters and fears around with us.
The answer is to create first.
Write your book. Tend your garden. Make jewellery. Bake a cake. Paint something. Record the video. Work on your project.
Do something that comes from you and your joy first, so that when you start to absorb the outer world, your cup is already full.
11. Make fewer plans and finish more things
This one is aimed squarely at me.
I bloody love a good plan. Give me a notebook, a coffee and a fresh 90-day strategy and I’m in heaven.
Planning as procrastination is one of my finest skills.
But we don’t need to know how everything is going to turn out before we start. In fact we can’t know! (Unless you have a crystal ball and a skill people would pay millions for.)
Unfortunately the only way forward is a touch of strategy, a rough plan and a massive dose of action.
Less planning, more doing!
12. Be willing to be rubbish
“By being willing to be a bad artist, you have a chance to be an artist, and perhaps, over time, a very good one” - Julia Cameron
One of my fave quotes.
Something I‘ve noticed that comes with age, is this expectation (from ourselves), that surely by now we should have it all figured out.
What’s it? And what honestly should we have figured out by now?
The world is changing at a rate faster than I can boil a kettle. We will be beginners until we die. Embrace it.
Try things you’re rubbish at. Take classes. Learn something completely new. Go somewhere unfamiliar. Use technology you don’t understand. Attempt the thing you secretly think you might be too old for.
Regularly moving out of our comfort zones is one of the best dopamine boosters there is. And dopamine keeps your brain well oiled!
13. Do things purely because you enjoy them
This is surprisingly difficult for me.
I have a terrible habit of trying something new and immediately wondering whether it could become a business, a product, a content strategy or some other grand project.
A few weeks ago I decided, sod it, I’m just going to start yapping on TikTok.
No strategy or grand plan. Just me, wandering (or floating) around wherever I happen to be, point my phone at myself and yapping about what I’m seeing.
It’s so much fun!
I’ve already got 200 followers, people are commenting and chatting with me, and if it becomes something bigger one day, lovely. But that isn’t why I’m doing it.
We don’t have to monetise every hobby, turn every interest into a project or make everything productive.
Sometimes you’re allowed to do something just because!
14. Take the photo and get in it
I have thousands of photographs of places I’ve been and far fewer photographs with me in them, particularly during the years when I didn’t like how I looked.
Sod that for a game of soldiers.
Ten years from now I won’t be inspecting my thighs. I’ll be grateful I can see myself standing there.
Take the photo.
15. You’re allowed to change your destination
You’re allowed to have enormous goals and then discover you don’t want them anymore.
You’re allowed to chase something at 25 and realise at 55 that it simply doesn’t fit the person you’ve become.
That doesn’t make the years you spent pursuing it wasted. It was part of your life, it taught you things and it brought you here.
We change. Life changes.
Sometimes success is having the courage to choose a different destination.
16. Build enough financial freedom to keep choosing your own life
Money for me has never been about stuff. It’s always been about choice.
The choice to leave, stay, travel, help someone, start something, take time off, say yes or simply say no.
While I’d love to fly business class everywhere and buy a penthouse in central London, financial freedom doesn’t have to mean becoming fabulously wealthy.
As long as you have enough breathing room so that more of your decisions can be based on how you want to live rather than what your financial circumstances dictate.
That freedom is worth building at any age.
17. Make your life full of stories
I want to reach the end of my life with an enormous collection of stories.
Places I went. Things I tried. Mistakes I made. People I met. Adventures that went spectacularly wrong and somehow became the stories I told the most. (I have quite a few of those already).
Give yourself challenges. Try things outside your comfort zone. Go somewhere new. Say yes occasionally when your sensible brain is giving you twelve reasons to say No.
You don’t need to become reckless.
Just give yourself something worth remembering.
18. Tell people you love them
Say it. Send the message. Make the call. Give the hug.
If you find yourself thinking, “I won’t bother them,” bother them.
Tell your kids, your partner, your parents, and your friends.
We’re very good at saying wonderful things about people after they’ve gone. I’d rather say them while they’re here to hear them.
19. Find your people
This year has been an incredible year of travelling, I’ve loved it and definitely found my jam. But I’ve realised we’ve travelled without much purpose beyond simply travelling.
And I’m discovering that people matter enormously to me.
So next year I want to travel more intentionally. I want to find events, meet-ups, networking groups, retreats, trips, classes, maybe even the odd yoga boot camp if my knees agree to cooperate.
I want more conversations, more shared experiences and more opportunities to meet interesting people.
We live in an increasingly disconnected world, and I think one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is deliberately create connection.
Join the group. Go to the event. Ask for help. Start the conversation.
Life is better with people in it.
20. Don’t let fear rule your life
Fear isn’t going anywhere.
You can feel fear about travelling somewhere new, ending a relationship, starting a business, writing a book, changing career, putting yourself online or making almost any decision that matters.
And fear does have a purpose. It stops us wandering blindly into danger and occasionally reminds us not to do anything completely idiotic.
But it shouldn’t be the driver in our life.
Twenty years from now I don’t want to look back and realise fear made all my biggest decisions for me.
Feel it, listen to it, acknowledge it, then (if it’s physically safe to do so) do the thing you want to do anyway.
As the legendary Dolly Parton said:
“Well honey, nobody knows what’s around the corner, but I know one thing. If you keep yourself out of the game for fear of losing, there is no way on this earth you’re gonna win.”
You don't want to live forever?